Everything made me so angry inside and I couldn’t stop the screaming rages. I could hear myself say, “Just STOP!” in the middle of a fit, but I was helpless to shut my mouth. I felt like I was watching a different person react, but it was me! After a day of raging I would lay in bed hearing, “You should just shoot yourself, you’re ruining your children,” over and over in my head.
My children were afraid of me, one was cutting, one kept running away. I knew it was my fault, but I couldn’t seem to admit it. I couldn’t handle anymore guilt.
Everything seemed to cause stress, nothing was peaceful, the smallest thing would send me to my room to hide. The asthma I had since I was a little girl, that was so horrible I felt like my lungs were going to explode, was magnified by the stress and rages.
When I knew it couldn’t handle any more, it got worse. I started having miscarriages, I became allergic to everything, I was always wheezing, I had constant headaches, and all I had the energy to do was sleep.
I was sure my situation just needed more prayer, so I prayed and prayed, went to counseling, went through deliverance, but I only ended up feeling even more guilt, because I wasn’t getting better.
Then one day I began to see a connection…. when I’d eat or smell certain things I would lose control afterwards. I noticed a pattern between stressful situations and being too tired to leave my bed. I finally saw that I had been living with severe adrenal fatigue for most of my motherhood. I also realized that I had been deeply wounded by things in my childhood that I didn't even remember clearly.
It was a journey of trial and error, learning exactly what had been poisoning my body and mind every day, but gradually I discovered tools and strategies that helped me make huge strides in calming the drama in my home and heart. I learned to overcome the wounds and trauma, I learned to shut down the lies.
As my adrenals healed and my heart healed from past trauma, the suicide, depression, and asthma disappeared, and energy came back. I didn’t feel trapped inside a rampaging maniac, I felt peaceful for the first time!
I wake up now content about the day to come. I’m not worried that I’ll ruin someone’s life today! In fact, I spend my days helping others find freedom, healing, and JOY!
You are not alone, and you don’t have to feel trapped by your past, by lies you've believed, or even by physical issues like adrenal fatigue! There is a simple path to peace. If you are ready to begin, contact me!
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