I was looking back through journals from the past few years. It is good and encouraging to see progress, but it also shows areas that might need a little more tweaking. Besides, it was my birthday, and it is fun to look back to see what was happening on previous birthdays.
I came across a vision that the Father had given me that I hadn’t thought about in a while.
It was during a time in my life when I was so negative that my words were cutting at every turn. I would cut down myself and others on a regular basis. I can’t even say that I was doing it without a second thought, because I always had a second thought. I KNEW it was wrong, it knew it was damaging, but I also THOUGHT I was helpless to stop. (In fact, the specific words in my journal were, “I feel helpless to stop!”)
It was during a time in my life when I was so negative that my words were cutting at every turn. I would cut down myself and others on a regular basis. I can’t even say that I was doing it without a second thought, because I always had a second thought. I KNEW it was wrong, it knew it was damaging, but I also THOUGHT I was helpless to stop. (In fact, the specific words in my journal were, “I feel helpless to stop!”)
The vision was of a beautiful, comforting, glass room, and I was inside. I was safe and protected and nothing outside of the room could harm me. But from the inside, every time I would speak a negative word about myself, I’d take another swing at the glass, chipping away at the protection. My beautiful, safe, comfortable place that was prepared for me was getting destroyed…. by ME!
I don’t think we take death seriously enough.
We know that life and death are in the power of the tongue, we hear that verse often enough. But do we realize that spiritual death is happening every time we speak evil over ourselves or someone else?
Did someone else speak death over you? Are you filled with memories of things spoken to you that crushed you?
I started to recognize the death I was causing with my words; because as I started to get control of my words, the irritation, and the outbursts, my life started changing. There was more peace around me, more peace inside of me.
I walk with people daily who are committed to overcoming the vows and curses placed over their lives through icky, dark words. I am seeing people totally transformed by recognizing what they’ve done to themselves and to others through speech. We call those words out, make no excuses for them, and repent of the damage we’ve caused. We even choose forgiveness for others who have spoken death over us!
As I looked back through my journal, I was able to see so much growth this year. Once I got the evil speech under control, other areas in me started to be healed as well.
There’s HOPE! You don’t have to lash out at every turn, you don’t have to speak evil over yourself, or use excuses that stop you from moving forward. You don’t have to be triggered by little things that cause you to verbally vomit all over yourself and your family.
Do you feel totally stuck like I did! Do you think you are helpless to stop? If your thought was, “Eileen, it isn’t that easy!” I got you!!! I know!!! I also thought it was impossible.
How do you recognize chaos when your body, marriage, family and home have been so out of whack that the chaotic lifestyle seems the norm?
Here are some signs of Chaos in your life:
- Conversations often lead to conflict because you don’t listen well or respond correctly.
- You have something to say, but you have a hard time clarifying exactly what that is, and you sometimes don’t say it at all because you are afraid you’ll be rejected.
- You need to be in charge, you can’t let go enough to trust God or other people.
- Your relationships are strained, and someone is often offended in your family or among your friends.
- Feelings of anxiousness and sadness are a regular thing in your life.
- Your sleep isn’t peaceful or deep.
- You feel tightness in your chest on a regular basis and you think that is normal.
- Little things trigger you and cause you to get rubbed the wrong way, you often feel irritated.
- You crave sugar and carbohydrates.
- There is always some little health annoyance in your life.
- Your children and/or spouse seem sullen and grumpy a lot.
- Your finances are often in upheaval.
- Your digestion is often upset.
- You generally feel in fear of what other people think of you.
- Others think you are often upset with them.
- You have a hard time sitting still, you either feel like you should always be working, or you think others expect you to always be working.
- You have a constant need to multi-task.
If you experience at least 3 of these on the daily, you may be surrounded by chaos. Which of these CHAOS signs are a regular, unwelcome guest in your life?
Chaos can come from so many sources, it can come from internal sources in your own thoughts, words, and actions. But it can also come from the outside! In the next segment I’ll outline some places chaos can come from as we work toward eliminating chaos and obtaining SHALOM (completeness, wholeness, and peace!)
Chaos can come from so many sources, it can come from internal sources in your own thoughts, words, and actions. But it can also come from the outside! In the next segment I’ll outline some places chaos can come from as we work toward eliminating chaos and obtaining SHALOM (completeness, wholeness, and peace!)
